Be still my heart.

Every Sunday morning should start just like this. A beautiful, sunny, morning with the two sweetest kids on the planet.

And then every Sunday afternoon should include some time to accessorize.

Snap a few pictures.

And smooch just a bit.

This girl is definitely growing into her personality! She is so much fun these days. I can hardly believe that she will already be 2 next month.

Please ignore the mess in my bedroom in this picture. Carter was reading the library book that he picked at school (Goodnight Moon) to Evyn this morning. They had just read the part about the "quiet old lady who was whispering hush." Precious, I tell you!

Nocturnal

Wisdom from a Kindergartner.

Carter: Mom, you and me are turnal.
Me: What?
Carter: You know, we're turnal. We sleep at night. Bats and owls are not turnal. They sleep in the day and play at night.

Random, 9-12-10

I had the opportunity to spend some time hanging out with my nephews this weekend. We went to see the September 11th flags, and getting all four kids to look at me at the same time was next to impossible. This is the best that I could do.

But this was a pretty cute picture of the two big boys. Immediately after taking this picture, they ran away from me giggling. They are big buddies.

And Evyn thought that the flags were tons of fun. She kept saying "I touch it" and then reaching for the flags. It is always so moving to me to see this display and reflect on the lives lost. I am so proud to be an American and never want to forget how blessed I am to live in a country where freedom rings.

This is just a random picture of the prettiest little girl in the whole world. She is so much fun these days. She constantly has a song in her heart. Her favorites include Twinkle Twinkle and The Wheels on the Bus. She loves to read books, loves to dance, is increasingly verbal, and is ever the entertainer. She knows when she is being funny and can completely work a crowd. She gives the sweetest kisses right on the lips. And she is still a daredevil. Taking her to a playground is enough to cause some major anxiety. She is not afraid to climb or jump. She just seems to experience the world with a whole new level of gusto and makes it fun to discover things alongside of her!

And my sweet Carter-bug is loving school. He comes home every day and teaches us something new. On Friday he led Mike through a series of stretches and dance moves that they do in PE. I was rolling. He adores his teacher, loves buying a hot lunch, and is doing beautifully in Kindergarten. We have gotten a few sweet notes from his teacher, which has completely blessed my heart! One day I came home from work to find Carter dressed in his "work clothes." He wanted to help daddy dig, so he had gone upstairs to put on long pants, his boots (that are two sizes too small), and a jacket (again, it fit in the spring) so he would not be cold. He was so proud of his outfit that I just let him keep it on!

Evyn loves her purse. Watching her put on her lipstick and talk on the phone completely cracks me up. Also, she looks so lovely in yellow that I can hardly stand it!

And last but not least, I got my braces off on Mike's birthday! I am having so much fun rediscovering things like milk duds and chewing gum! I keep licking my teeth. I love the way that they look, and am so appreciative of St. Clair orthodontics! This week I get the last two brackets off and start sleeping in a retainer overnight and then am officially done. I got my braces on the week before I found out that I was pregnant with Evyn, so she had never seen me without them until Thursday! Good times!

Margin

This summer, Mike and I completely fell in love with the concept of margin. We want to be deliberate about having unscheduled, unstructured, intentional time together as a family. Not just leftover time at the end of a day, but scheduling down time- time away from cell phones, television, and the internet. Time to have the important conversations, time to laugh together, and time to make memories. Our kids are growing up so quickly and we want to make the most of the time that we have as a family. So, naturally we bought a camper!

This weekend we took it out for our second trip. We love it! It is nice enough that I am very aware that I am not sleeping on the ground. I love having a small kitchen, a fridge, a potty, shower, and most importantly, AC! But it still feels like camping. We are looking forward to making lots of great memories with these two monkeys.

They were up at the crack of dawn on Saturday and it was chilly out. Here they are drinking their hot chocolate. They really were happy even though Evyn looks really intense in this picture!

We enjoyed just letting the kids play and explore outside. We played in the creek, caught fish, went to the playground, went swimming, played ladder golf, walked the dog, made s'mores, watched the stars, tried to catch fireflies, blew bubbles, played frisbee, and had a ton of fun together.

Lilly really wanted to catch a dragonfly. She seemed to enjoy getting to be a real part of the family!

Evyn took a break to do a little coloring.

And Carter caught a frog.

I need to take better pictures of the inside of the camper. We were super proud of our new "front porch," including some high class carpet and lights!

We can't wait to plan another trip! These smiles are worth every penny!

Kindergarten!

I remember being pregnant with Carter and talking to a group of Kindergarten parents at orientation. I read "The Kissing Hand" and cried in front of all of them because I already knew that sending my baby to school would be a huge milestone for both of us. Ever since that point in time, I have looked forward to today with a mix of dread, fear, anticipation, and excitement. As proud as I am of how Carter is growing into such an amazing young man, I don't feel quite ready to share him with the world. Regardless of my feelings, Carter has been excited about "big school" for quite some time now. And I am proud to say that he had a fabulous first day and I managed to almost hold myself together!

He is indulging me in a first day of school kiss. Not to worry, he wiped it off immediately after the picture.

"Blowing it up" with dad is much more his speed.

Carter is at Haynes Elementary, which is immediately across the street from me at Evans. We have already received such a warm reception, and I feel like he is going to have a wonderful year there.

We were so excited to learn that Carter's buddy, Ellie, was in his class at school! As an added bonus, their desks are together! And, they napped together. And ate together. And. . .

Evyn came along for the drop off. She insisted on bringing her powdered sugar donut with her.

My big boy at his desk. He was also super excited to have a locker to put his backpack in!

This is Mrs. Rudder! Already I am hearing "Mom, did you know that Mrs. Rudder taught me how to do duck tails and bubbles?" "Mom, did you know that Mrs. Rudder says that we do our own lunch choices every day?" I have a feeling that we will hear a lot about Mrs. Rudder in our house!

At the end of the day, he told me that his favorite parts were using his elephant lunchbox, recess, and napping with Ellie! I am so excited to see all the ways that this sweet boy will grow and change this year! He is certainly off to a great start!

An "Old Testament style" miracle.

Mike teases me because I always tell him that I wish that I could see an "Old Testament style" miracle- you know what I mean- the parting of the Red Sea, scary plagues befalling bad people, manna, the sun staying still, a Jericho style victory in a battle, etc. I know that there are miracles all around me, but I always have wanted to see something where you absolutely cannot deny the hand of God! I think today might have been that day.

We have all been bracing ourselves for an extended stay in a nursing home, a feeding tube, and countless other obstacles to overcome. We are thrilled to have my dad alive and in such good spirits, but our prayer has been for complete healing of the body, soul, and spirit. So, yesterday my dad was barely able to swallow water. Today he ate a turkey sandwich and enchiladas. He did another barium swallow, did not asperate, and the speech therapist said that she could no longer detect any problem. The absolute only explanation for this drastic turn of events is a miracle. To God be the glory! My dad is currently off all tubes- no feeding tube, no oxygen, and no IVs. It is so nice to see him not hooked up to every contraption under the sun.

We are not sure if he will be released to a rehab facility or to go home, but either way is fantastic. I honestly believe that our friends and loved ones have prayed him through every step of this. And I think that he is coming home a changed man, a man more appreciative of life and all that it has to offer. We are so blessed.

I am beyond appreciative of the amazing people that God has put in our lives during this time. I have a precious friend who arranged to surprise me and come clean my house (and scrubbed my toilets cleaner than they have ever been) while we are at church on Sunday- she even left lunch in the oven to greet us when we came home! I have never felt more humbled or appreciative in my entire life. I have had amazing women love on my children while we have been at the hospital or at work. Carter keeps asking me who invited him to play at their house tomorrow. Another friend is a nursing home inspector and walked us through the whole process of finding a place to provide therapy for my dad. Countless nurses and doctors and hospital officials have been connected to our family in one way or another. We have been covered by prayers, received hundreds of text messages, emails, FB messages, and phone calls. We have felt God's hand through the love of people in such tangible ways. We are blessed.

I am anxious to post the welcome home update, and I feel like that day will come sooner rather than later! Thank you, God, for your clear provision and healing for my dad. Amazing!

Slow going, but at least we are going.

Thank you to all of you faithful prayer warriors who have kept lifting up my dad and my family these past several days. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of this situation.

My dad has made remarkable strides cognitively over the past few days. Last night he had us all in hysterics. He was doing John Wayne impressions and singing Veggie Tales songs. He was on quite the comedic roll and while I know that he must have been as high as a kite, it was so nice to be able to laugh with my family again. He is so happy to be alive and I see God at work in him and in my parent's marriage and I am so thankful for that!

However, we are still having some pretty big obstacles to get over. He is unable to swallow and is very weak physically. He is on a feeding tube. We are not sure what is going on with his throat. He has had several tests done and is seeing a specialist. It is as if the muscle in his throat just sort of quit working and he is having to retrain it. Today he walked to the doorway of his room with a walker, and we praise the Lord for getting to watch his physical strength gradually return, but again we have a long way to go to reach "normal." So, it looks like he will stay in the hospital until Monday or Tuesday and then move to a nursing home for the next three or four months. An old family friend of ours is actually a nursing home inspector and was able to immediately make arrangements in a facility that we feel confident will provide excellent care. This is not the outcome that we were hoping for, but I feel so thankful that he is alive to recover! We will take it one day at a time and stand by his side no matter what. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Pray specifically for:
1. The muscles in his throat to regain strength and for him to be able to swallow.
2. His physical strength and endurance to return.
3. For him not to get pneumonia.
4. For his spirits to stay high.
5. That he will feel the presence of God at all times.
6. For my parent's marriage as they navigate these uncertain times together.
7. For complete healing and restoration by Christmas!

Thank you all for reading and continuing to pray. I cannot convey how blessed I have been personally by the outpouring of love. I am so rich because of the amazing people that God has placed in my life!

Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

Better Day

This whole journey has been full of so many ups and downs. Yesterday was hard. We were very hopeful that he would be extubated, and that did not happen. He looked so miserable and chewed the tube in his mouth until he bled. He seemed to understand a bit more of what was happening to him and kept looking at me like he wanted an explanation, but we were not ready to tell him everything until he could ask his own questions. Anyway, it essentially has taken him forever to come out of the sedation and the waiting has been hard. I left the hospital yesterday discouraged, tired, and sad.

Then I had to go back to work today, and while I know that work can wait, I hated to miss the first day back. I am so blessed to work for and with good people who will support me and work with me during this time. I have felt very torn between being a daughter, mother, wife, and now counselor. I don't want to let anyone down.

Today has been a better day. He was extubated this morning. His throat sounds terrible- like he swallowed a bucket of gravel. He is not able to swallow yet, so he cannot even have ice chips, and I know that he is terribly thirsty. They think that he might have some infection in his throat. They also did another CT scan of his head today to rule out neurological damage. There was some concern because he was still so groggy and disoriented today. However, as soon as he came back from the scan, he was much more responsive. He could identify both my mom and I by name. He called me "bug bug" (his nickname for me), asked my mom for a kiss, and was able to raise his arms, wiggle his toes, etc. This was huge progress. We went back up this evening, and he was much more verbal and able to express complete thoughts. He wants a chocolate milkshake and assured us that he has not forgotten about the family trip to Disneyland that he promised us! I think that is a good sign.

We are hopeful that he will be able to get out of bed tomorrow. He has a bad rash down his back- not sure if it is a reaction to medication or what. I think that being able to even sit in a chair would be great progress. So, keep on praying. We are certainly not out of the woods yet, but he is alive and making progress, and for that I am so very thankful.

Relief.

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster and I just made it over the big, scary drop in the ride- the part that you dread because you know that your stomach will drop out and it will take your breath away. And even though I know that there will be more twists and turns and scares ahead in the ride, I feel like something amazing was accomplished because I survived the worst part- the part that scared me the most.

Doctors came in this morning and gave us a good pre-op report. Everything looked as good as it possibly could given our situation. We were told that the surgery would be a minimum of 3 to 4 hours, so we sat down and prepared to wait. We got a call at 9 that they had just started the incision. At 11 we got another call. We were expecting an update. Instead they told us that they were closing him up. The surgeon came in about 20 minutes later and basically said that his heart looked much stronger than they had anticipated and everything had gone smoothly. What an answer to prayer. We were prepared for 6 hours of waiting and instead, God came through in under two! Incredible. It was almost as if you could immediately feel the tension lift in the room.

We waited hopeful that he might wake up, but finally at 6 pm the doctors told us that he would more than likely stay under the sedation overnight so we decided to go home and rest and come back in the morning. I know that he has terrible days ahead, but there are days ahead, and for that I am so thankful. I know that his recovery will be painful, frustrating, and at times overwhelming, but there will be a recovery and for that I praise the Lord! The scripture that keeps coming to mind is Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." My prayer is that my dad will be able to cling to this on days that he wants to quit. On days that he feels discouraged. Or scared. I pray that he will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord his God has been with him throughout this entire ordeal.

I know that the roller coaster is not over. I know that there will be ups and downs. But for today I am so relieved that I could cry. And tomorrow I will get to hear my dad's voice again, and I cannot wait! I have so much that I want to tell him. I hope that this will be the beginning of a brand new chapter in our relationship.

I cannot express how thankful I am for the AMAZING outpouring of love that I have felt from friends and family. Phone calls, text messages, Facebook love, people lining up to keep my children, hospital visits, and more than anything prayer. You guys bless my socks off. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Keep the prayers coming.

Update- Sunday, August 1st.

I am so very appreciative of the outpouring of prayers, love, support, concern, help with my kids, etc that we have experienced this week. In the midst of all of this, I feel so richly blessed and honestly feel the presence of the Lord. Thank you!

My dad is very stable physically. He is still on the ventilator and heart pump in order to let his body rest as much as possible before surgery. We are scheduled to go into surgery at 7:30 in the morning. The doctors said today that he looks ready to go. I am a huge believer in specific prayer. Please join me in praying for a smooth surgery tomorrow. It is a risky surgery if you go in with a relatively healthy heart, but the risk increases drastically when your heart is functioning like my dad's. Also, please pray that the damage to his heart from the heart attack is minor. He will have congestive heart disease of some kind- we are not sure how extensive or life altering that will be yet. Also, please pray for his emotional state after surgery. We are told that depression is very common after this kind of procedure. Please pray that God will fill him with strength, perseverance and joy. Finally, please pray for my mom. She is a rock, but I know that this is incredibly difficult on her too.

The nurses are amazed at how lucid my dad has been. He definitely has had moments of clarity over the last few days. He knows when we are there. He mouthed "I love you" to me yesterday and he desperately wants to talk. He responds to our touch, can nod and squeeze our hands, and even cry. It is painful to watch someone who has always been so strong be so incapacitated. I have complete faith that he is going to recover from this and that we have years of joy ahead of us- we are planning campouts and a big family trip to Disneyland. I love my dad so very much. I know that he knows that, but I cannot wait to be able to sit down over a cup of coffee and tell him again! Thank you all for your continued prayers. I will post tomorrow to let you know what is going on.